Monday, September 17, 2012

ready to fly

I should first apologize for my sporadic and LONG delays in writing...i guess it seems that my blog is mostly self-serving.  I write when I have something big and exciting I want everyone to hear about.  Or (usually) I am compelled to write when I am trying to understand my own feelings and opinions about something.  I am not so disciplined with simply updating about “life” for the sake of those of you who love us back home.  I need to do better at that.

So, here is a big news bulletin – Me and the kids are flying out tonight and are coming home for a visit!!!!  We land in NC Wed. pm to spend a few days with T’s family, then head to PA to see my sister and her husband, then down to TN to be with my littlest sis, parents, and grandparents.  T will join us Oct. 10, and we will start ambitiously burning up the road for the next 6 wks. in order to connect with all the individuals and churches that sponsor us – starting off with our home church, Northside Assembly, on Oct. 14!   How’s that for information overload?? 

And now the part where I sort out myself -  It’s 6am here, cool and still very dark.  I had no intention of being up this early, but it is my only chance to have solitude… for quite a while!  Suitcases are scattered everywhere, and my stomach is gnawing.  It’s gnawing because I’m awake earlier than usual, because I am giddy with excitement, and because of the little, stubborn knot of anxiety stuck in my gut.  It reminds me of that morning over a year ago when we were ready to leave Jackson, TN and board a plane in Nashville.  It felt like we were stepping into the unknown with a million questions unanswered.  Amazingly, in a year’s time, it seems those questions have mostly been answered!  We have made a little home in this apartment, found a community here at Suubi, and settled into fulfilling roles of ministry.  Uganda is comfortable to us now.

Now, I’m going home- beyond ready to see our families and church family! – yet, again, I feel like I’m stepping into something unknown.  Not as dramatically as before!  Not like stepping off a cliff or anything.  It’s just a little jump, really, but I’m still not sure how it will feel to land.  All these swirling thoughts and questions…

-What about when someone wants to have a conversation with me about the presidential elections and American politics? – I am so out-of-touch!
-How will it feel to go to Wal-Mart again?  I already feel a headache coming on.
-I think I will avoid the pet section of any store.  I can’t look at how much Americans spend on their pets, while always, in my mind, I am wondering if Mercy and her kids had enough food that day. 
-How am I going to balance this “itineration” schedule with spending time with the people I most love?  And how can I possibly see ALL the people I love??  I know someone will be offended and left-out.  (yes, this is me being a girl.  I don’t think T is losing any sleep over this one.)
- I am going to home without any keys – no house key, no car key.  I know people who love us will take VERY good care of us.  Still feels weird to not have keys. 
-I am praying for a long Indian Summer in the South this year, since all I have packed is summer clothes and sandals.  Again, I know people will loan us things.  Still feels weird to go home with so little. 
-It took us months last year to “detox” ourselves from our culture of convenience and entertainment.  Not counting the people I miss, my list has now shortened of the THINGS I miss.  So, what will it be like to indulge ourselves again for two months?  What will it be like in Nov. when we come back to Uganda?  (cause you better believe I am going to indulge in some long, hot showers!)

As always, I worry that my honesty will be mistaken as complaining.  I am not COMPLAINING about going home.  I am thrilled to go home!  I can’t wait to see the U.S. flag in Newark and walk through the customs line.  I can’t wait to hug my grandparents’ necks and meet my new, little niece.  I feel so blessed that we are going home sooner than we expected!  (Of course, T has made sure I understand that our bank account can’t afford for this to be an annual event!)  

It’s not that I enjoy finding the negative aspect to everything.  I just think it is wise to be realistic and prepare myself that not everything familiar will be comfortable anymore.  I will find “home” changed in ways I didn’t expect and myself changed in ways I didn’t realize.  I have to remind myself that none of this is bad, though.  It is God’s way of reminding me again that I can boast in nothing but Jesus.  I can cling to nothing but Jesus.  Just when I begin feeling safe and comfortable in myself again, He begins moving my “props” and disturbing my nest.  

So, here we are ready to fly again!  (pun intended!)  and my little brood of “chicks” are starting to stir, so I think my solitude is over.  See you soon!!!!