Ok – I’m
ready for a late afternoon respite, and it is high time I post something on
this blog. So, I’ve got my cup of tea
and a ripe mango, and I’m in the mood to catch up. I just came back in after
taking Reynah for a walk… I am a tired Mama!
But she is still going - now playing with her “deeshes” and a bucket of
water out on the balcony. I say I took
her for a walk, but, actually, today I decided to do something I should do more
often. I let her take ME for a walk.
Really, I felt
like she deserved some special attention.
The past week –no, the last month -has been rather like a marathon. Four Purity Events for over 1,000 students,
Rocket Camp, and two weddings – it has for sure been a blast! I told T recently that I felt like our 1st
few months here, we were just like sponges.
We were just soaking up everything… the Ugandan culture, the Watoto culture,
new names to learn, how to manage the inconveniences of living here, on and on…
and I feel like we were about as useful as sponges too. But, now, I finally feel like we are finished
soaking and are ready to give something back.
So, yes, the Purity events have been fun for us and very
fulfilling. But the schedule hasn’t been
too fun for a 2 yr. old.
Call it
mommy-guilt, but I knew I should do something with Rey that she would consider “fun.” But then I was feeling a little selfish too. By the time the boys were finished with school
work and lunch dishes were cleaned up, I didn’t want to pull out play-doe or
crayons. I wanted to get out and enjoy the
lovely afternoon. The problem is that me
taking Rey for a walk is rarely fun for her and usually exasperating for
me. Suubi is a big place with lots of
hills; I end up carrying her up the hills.
I want to go from here to there in the most direct, efficient way; she
prefers LOTS of detours and finds something to distract her every 45 sec. Then, there is the obvious fact that she
doesn’t really walk. She skips – she bounces
– she twirls - she jumps – but she’s still too young and undignified to just walk.
So, I determined
that today was HER walk, and we would do it as she desired. And I told myself that I was not allowed to
say, “Hurry up!” even one time. She was
to enjoy her adventure, even if it only took us 30 ft. away from home. I was going to enjoy her enjoying
herself. Once I made that my main
objective, it wasn’t hard to do. She is
very easy to enjoy. And once she figured
out that she had my full attention, she was “feeling her cheerios,” as my mom
used to say. She pranced in circles
around me and laughed over apparently nothing - except for the fact that she
knew I was amused by her, which made her very happy. We picked
a few flowers and counted a few clouds. She
stepped on every bug she saw, just like her brothers have taught her to
do. We had deep discussions about Old
McDonald’s Farm and the names of all of Dora’s friends (Dora the Explorer that
is). As she stood beside the road and
made “moo-ing” noises at the cow in the bushes (yes, around here, cows hang out
in bushes), I marveled over how long her hair is growing. I wondered about where in the world she is picking
up all her new expressions?! (Her latest
one: ahhh…I
fink I better need to haf sum chocalat.
…ok, well, I guess I know
where she probably got that one from! Ha!)
We just
simply delighted in each other. I felt
delighted and proud that she is mine. She
could somehow sense that delight, and it lit her up. She wouldn’t understand any eloquent words if
I tried to tell her how proud I am of her.
But my smiles and kisses are all she needs. While we meandered our way back home, I thought
about how I should delight in my kids more often. I should delight in my husband more
often. It’s not about being anywhere
special or doing anything special. It’s
just about being…together. And, then, came an even more poignant thought
– how long has it been since I delighted in God or felt His delight over
me? The honest truth is I’ve been too
busy. I’ve been busy doing stuff for
Him. I’ve been teaching sessions to these
young girls telling them how God delights in them (Isaiah 62:4), He is crazy
over them, He’s pursuing their heart every day.
But, sadly, for me, I haven’t succumbed to His pursuit in a while.
I think too
much about what I have done or what I am planning to do. However, right now (btw, this blog was interrupted by
baths, and supper, and bedtime rituals, so it is now late in the evening) I am
thinking of David’s prayer in Psalms 51 where he requests, “Restore to me the
joy of your salvation.” I think about
this verse often, actually. How interesting
it is that you can have God’s salvation, but not the joy that should go with
it. It’s our own fault. And isn’t restoration of joy found in that
mutual delight between us and God? He
created us so that we crave His affirmation.
Just like Reynah doesn’t need a lunch date at Chuckie Cheese, she just
needs the affirmation of my attention and smiles. I give her that affirmation because she is
mine. Unlike me, God is the PERFECT
parent who is always attentive, always noticing everything about me, smiling
down at me even when I’m not looking, overflowing with love for me, just
because I am … His daughter. There is
nothing more I can do to prove myself worthy of His delight. So, I will delight in the warmth of His
delight. And I will try to be more like
Reynah – not so proud. So that in His
attention I find my full identity and in His smile is my complete joy.
